Tuesday, December 11, 2012

So, I have started a new business venture but it is slow to get going partly because I have several things going on in my personal life. I am trying to get everything balanced between doctors appointments for myself and the kids and now this new class I have started is really got my attention so I am really trying my best not to get stressed out. I know shortly in time it will all balance out. I just have to have faith it will all work itself out. 

How does one deal with an issue that is out of their control but is bothers them so much. How do you deal with something so upsetting that when someone is friends with someone but agrees to help them out. Okay that is one thing but when it is something that is so personal that is should be discussed with the other person. I know its rather confusing but I must be discreet. This involves a couple and another person and someone in the couple is helping out a friend but the other person in the couple feels that this favor is a little too personal and should have been discussed with them first before agreeing to help them out. Either way it doesn't matter because its pretty much a no win situation, they are going to do it regardless. Its just frustrating. Its frustrating because If I were to bring it up, it would just cause a fight and I would get no where so, I just suck it up and be done, So I here to vent hoping this helps to get it out of my system. 

Its hard dealing with life and lately my pain has come back with a vengeance and trying to deal with it, just has left me without motivation. I have been told that I suck as a mom and I need to quit whatever my deal is a step back up. I have been lazy and unmotivated for the last week or two and sleeping alot again, I tried to explain that my sickness/illness goes in spurts and my pain doesn't help. No one understands how it is and that's the hard part and no one wants to understand. The hardest part is the pain...I cant do alot of things and it sucks but again, there's times they say they understand but then it gets thrown back in my face...Then I'm told to tell them when I'm in pain but again im told when I do say about my pain that I am using it as a crutch or an excuse...so I give up and I don't talk about my pain and I keep it to myself...but I am so sick of holding it in...I am about to explode...I cry at night from the pain. I cry because I cant do things like I used to...I cry cause I have no interest in the things i used to.....Maybe my meds need to be tweaked or something, but something needs to change cause I cant live life like this anymore...I don't have an interest for life like I use too,

Well, enough babbling for tonight...